Pitch Curator Arrested For Making Surface That Actually Helps Bowlers! 🚔🏏 "A Crime Against Modern Cricket," Say Officials

MUMBAI: In an unprecedented move that has sent shockwaves through the cricketing fraternity, veteran pitch curator Ramniklal Patel was dramatically arrested today from the Wankhede Stadium premises. His alleged crime? Preparing a pitch that, in a shocking deviation from contemporary standards, offered genuine assistance to fast bowlers and spinners alike, leading to actual wickets falling without batsmen having to self-destruct.

"Bhai, ball cut kar raha tha! Mere career mein aisa pitch nahi dekha. Yeh toh pure cheating hai," exclaimed one bewildered top-order batsman, who wishes to remain anonymous.

Sources indicate that the "illegal" nature of the pitch came to light during a recent domestic fixture where, astonishingly, more than ten wickets fell in a single day, and the highest individual score was a paltry 78. Pundits, who typically spend their commentary slots praising the "batting paradise" and lamenting "flat tracks," were reportedly disoriented. Mr. Patel, 62, has been charged under Section 420 (Cheating) and Section 34 (Acts done by several persons in furtherance of common intention) of the Indian Penal Code, with a bail amount set at a staggering ₹50 Lakhs. Investigators are probing whether he used "archaic techniques" like leaving live grass on the pitch or, worse, adding "seam-friendly" soil. "This is a gross violation of the unwritten 21st-century cricketing mandate: Batting First, Batting Always," stated a visibly shaken board official, who launched a multi-crore investigation into "rogue pitch-making."

"Lagta hai, main galti se Test match khel raha tha! My arm suddenly started hurting from all the effort," confessed a medium-pacer, who surprisingly took five wickets. "It felt... unnatural."

The cricket board has vowed to "weed out" any other curators harbouring similar "rebellious" intentions of balancing the game between bat and ball. They reassure fans that steps are being taken to ensure that all future pitches will maintain their proud tradition of being flat, green-tinged highways for batsmen, ensuring 400+ scores and minimal bowler enjoyment. Mr. Patel is currently in judicial custody, contemplating his 'bowl-friendly' sins.