SCAM ALERT: Duckworth & Lewis Admit They Just Roll Dice! 🎲💸

MUMBAI: In a shocking turn of events that has sent seismic tremors across the cricketing world, Frank Duckworth and Tony Lewis, the venerable names behind the infamous Duckworth-Lewis-Stern (DLS) method, have stunningly admitted their revolutionary rain-rule calculation was, in fact, a sophisticated charade involving nothing more than dice and a shared love for 'chai-pani'. The confession came during an "exclusive tell-all" interview with a local Mumbai tabloid, where the duo expressed "exhaustion from pretending to be mathematical geniuses."

"It's true, yaar! All those complex graphs, the 'resources lost' percentages… it was just a cover-up. We had a special Ludo dice, and Tony had his personal 'teen patti' dice. Best of five rolls decided everything."

Sources close to the duo, speaking under anonymity, revealed that for decades, teams and cricket boards paid 'consultancy fees' amounting to hundreds of crores for 'DLS algorithm calibration' sessions. These sessions reportedly involved watching Duckworth and Lewis play Snakes & Ladders on a custom-made board featuring 'overs remaining' and 'wicket fall' squares. The funds, allegedly running into ₹500 Crores, were apparently funnelled into purchasing a fleet of luxury caravans for 'on-site meteorological research' and a lifetime supply of gourmet samosas. The revelation has left countless statisticians, pundits, and heartbroken fans questioning every rain-affected match result since the DLS method's inception.

"Haww! Mera to dil hi toot gaya! Socha genius algorithm hai, nikla ₹10 Lakh ka bets rolling on blind luck. My entire career strategy based on DLS calculations... sab barbad!"

The cricketing world is reeling, with calls for retrospective match reviews and demands for transparency from the ICC. While fans wonder if their favourite team's rain-affected wins were mere luck, Duckworth and Lewis are reportedly planning their next venture: a 'revolutionary' coin-toss system for super overs, promising even 'greater statistical integrity' and a new line of premium, gold-plated coins for 'enhanced fairness'.