Ravi Shastri Calls 'Happy Hour' Instead of Strategic Timeout: Team India Now Demands Bar Service Mid-Pitch! 🍻🏏

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🚨 SATIRE ALERT: This is fake news for fun! Ravi Shastri Calls 'Happy Hour' Instead of Strategic Timeout: Team India Now Demands Bar Service Mid-Pitch! 🍻🏏 MUMBAI: In a cricketing blunder that left fans bewildered and players reaching for their non-alcoholic energy drinks, Head Coach Ravi Shastri reportedly announced a "Happy Hour" instead of a crucial strategic timeout during a nail-biting T20 encounter last night. The incident, which occurred with the match finely poised, has sent shockwaves through the cricketing world and has prompted an urgent, late-night meeting by the BCCI. "Boys, hydration is key! Time for a quick 'Happy Hour' – two-for-one on… uh… strategic refreshments!" Shastri was allegedly heard booming over the team radio. The umpire, visibly confused, initially signalled for a T-break, only to be corrected by a visibly flustered fourth official. On the field, players looked at each other with a mixture of disbelief and genuine ...
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CSK's Shocking New Mandate: Minimum Player Age Now 45 Years! Youngsters Banned From Yellow Jersey! 🤯👴

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🚨 SATIRE ALERT: This is fake news for fun!

CSK's Shocking New Mandate: Minimum Player Age Now 45 Years! Youngsters Banned From Yellow Jersey!

MUMBAI: In a move that has sent shockwaves (and perhaps a few backaches) across the cricketing world, Chennai Super Kings (CSK) has reportedly implemented a groundbreaking new policy: a minimum age requirement of 45 years for all players. Yes, you read that right. The "Dad's Army" has officially declared itself the "Grandpa's Regiment," effectively banning any player under the age of 45 from donning the coveted yellow jersey.

"Humko young blood nahi, wisdom chahiye. Match mein 'BP control' is important, yaar!" quipped a senior management insider, allegedly clutching a hot water bottle.

Sources close to the franchise, speaking on condition of anonymity from a quiet room designated for afternoon naps, revealed that the decision was made to "further enhance stability and eliminate any impulsive youthful exuberance." The new policy reportedly comes with a 'Senior Citizen Signing Bonus' of ₹50 Lakhs for any player aged 55 and above. Whispers suggest the team's physios are now exclusively orthopaedic specialists, with a new annual budget of ₹2 Crores allocated purely for joint pain balms and ergonomic seating in the dugout.

"Bhai, ab toh Ranji Trophy bhi mushkil hai. IPL ka toh sapna hi chhod do. Meri 25 saal ki jawani ka kya hoga?" lamented a distraught 22-year-old hopeful, packing his bags.

While rival teams are reportedly scrambling to understand the "strategic brilliance" behind this move, CSK fans are already envisioning a squad of wise, tactical elders, perhaps with mandatory tea breaks mid-innings. The future of cricket, at least for the Chennai Super Kings, is now firmly in the hands of those who remember when cricket was played on black and white TVs. Get ready for some truly 'experienced' performances!

🚨 SATIRE ALERT: This is fake news for fun!

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